View Single Post
Old 07-30-2010, 04:37 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
coffeedrinker
Member
 
coffeedrinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Stilllearning makes some really good points. I especially agree with the one about the dishonesty around what he said in therapist's office (nothing he is uncomfortable talking about).

I was thinking the same as your friend who suggested a sit back and see approach.
Yes, maybe he won't go unless you're there coaxing or reminding him. But isn't this exactly what we hear on SR all the time, with regard to them needed to get sober, find treatment, etc, on their own, WITHOUT our "help" ? Or else it won't be real? Or else it doesn't really stick - if they are doing it because we're pressuring or giving ultimatums? That is how I see this.

He has not truly bought into the idea of therapy because he NEEDS IT. He wants to do what he needs to do to pacify you ---- I'm not saying this is a manipulation or posturing ---- I think it is real that he is frightened of losing you, he wants you to come back, and he is willing to (at least for the moment) make a commitment to do what you say is needed.

It reminds me of the times xabf said he could see clearly what was needed (surrender) and was willing to go to any lengths. At the time of the statement, he meant it. But the follow through was never there for an extended period of time.
coffeedrinker is offline