"Taking care of yourself" and "putting the alcoholic in God's hands" do not mean you stop caring what happens to him. It DOES sometimes mean painfully sitting on your hands while allowing him to experience the consequences of his disease.
It's hard to allow our children to struggle and fail, too, but if we rush to fix every mistake they don't learn to do things on their own. You can look at it this way, too: you are allowing him the dignity of making his choices and living with the consequences.
I'm a sober alcoholic, and it was only when I was completely out of other people to blame my drinking on that I concluded it was ME. *I* was the problem, not the jerk I lived with for five years, not the passive-agressive adult child who lived with me for awhile, it was ME. If someone had run around making sure I took care of what needed to be taken care of, I would have coasted a lot longer, I think.
Remember, people you meet at an Al-Anon meeting, just like those who we meet at AA meetings, are in all stages of recovery. Some ARE numb, no doubt, but that isn't full recovery.
Try some other meetings, and keep posting and reading, here. We DO understand, and you won't be judged.