kittymammas, when I first got into Al-Anon I was trying to keep a relationship with an alcoholic who was addicted to crack cocaine (at the time he was only doing the alcohol, no crack). As I have indicated already, I did not believe in God and I was very confused about that whole thing.
But SOMEONE at that time told me something that helped me immensely. They told me that, every time I started to panic, every time I could not just "live your life and leave him behind to fend for himself" as you describe, every time I needed to walk away from the chaos and the pain in order to TAKE CARE OF ME, to picture two big hands coming out of the clouds. Yes, they are supposed to be God's hands. And to picture myself PLACING the alcoholic addict PHYSICALLY IN THOSE HANDS. For whatever reason, using that picture WORKED. I did not have to believe ANYTHING, just had to picture it. Hope this helps.