Originally Posted by
wicked 
my boundaries which were weak anyway, disappeared when i found someone because my fear of abandonment is so deep, it colors every move i make.
i was trying to repair or "fix" the non relationship i had with my alcoholic father
i am willing to try something else now. be my true self, which is pretty damn cool, and if someone comes along that wants what i am, all that i am, we can work something out.
I like your attitude towards it!
I still cannot grasp the entire concept behind trying to "fix" what was lacking, or broken in childhood, through finding it in adult life. With such a strong fear of abandonment (myself included), it's hard to see why we latch on to the people WHO ABANDON US. I think for me, it's feeling inferior, and that the ones who are likely to stay, I don't feel good enough for. I don't see it as trying to link together the missing pieces.. do you?
Originally Posted by
Learn2Live Jenny,
you are so much like me, you are SCARING me 
Can I ask, please, just out of curiosity, how old are you?
Anyway, here is what my sister told me when I also got discouraged about being stuck.
What you are experiencing is depression. Depression is NECESSARY for all human beings at some point in their life or another. Think of this time in your life as a season: Winter. Think of yourself as a flower, like a daffodil. In the Autumn, we see the beautiful things in our life begin to fade to brown, we watch the leaves begin to fall from the trees, and our OWN leaves begin to fade and wither. By the time the ground freezes in Winter, we have retreated into a bulb underneath the ground. We have gathered water and nutrients from the ground around us and we use the Winter time to rest and re-gather our strength. But Winter can be long so we have to be patient and wait for the sun to get high enough in the sky and strong enough to melt the snow and thaw the ground. We have to wait for the Spring time, so that we will have gathered enough strength to be ready when the time comes to push our leaves through the ground toward the sun that will feed us. This way, when it comes our time to bloom, we will be the STRONGEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL flower.
Jenny, you're just in Winter honey. And when your Springtime comes, I just know it, it's gonna' be: LOOK OUT World.
WOW
L2L, LOVED IT! Beautifully written! Wise sister of yours!
Actually, I was reading your posts the other day, and I too was scared at how 'similar' we seemed. I recall something about insecurity/jealousy in relationships, and as HARD as I try... I just cannot STOP being jealous. Oh, I'm 23 years old.
I was thinking yesterday, how if given the oppportunity to change the events, I would't do so. In a sick way, I do feel lucky. It hurts so badly, but I know I'm growing in a way that I NEED TO. I lack ANY emotional maturity, and it drives me crazy. With all that has happened, I'm actually seeking it out, finally! I didn't consider the thought of 'needing' to be stuck, but I'll take what you said! It makes absolute sense!