kittymammas

Alanon was the hardest hour of my life. Its all about taking care of yourself and leaving the alcoholic in "god's" hands. They said that an alcoholic isn't the one who has the breaking point and decides that they wanna change.."its god". OK, and I really hope you don't hold anything against me for this as others have in the past, I am not a religious person..meaning I'm not much of a believer in "god". I have studied to much science and evolution just makes sense to me as we are all still evolving today. God in my eyes was the ancient form of government control, fear people into doing what is right and supply hope for the Ill and dying. Which i suppose is what the world needed...ok Ill stop on that subject. Anyways so when they tell me that the only one can decide when my AH recovers is "god" it didn't go down well with me. And then they seemed so numb to the situation, like emotionless people just waiting for another day to go by that they have lived through with their alcoholic. Which I suppose is the only way you can truly live with an alcoholic is to be numb to the situation. It made me sad. I will ALWAYS care if he drinks or not, its not something I can just ignore and I shouldn't. Then the whole "take care of yourself" thing...here's the thing, since i was 7 yrs old and probably younger...its never been about me, I have cared for my mother when she had cancer and my brother because he was always so torn with the way our childhood was. My friends I have always been there for and then it was onto my grandma, boy friends, husband, kids....its never been about me..and I have no intention to make it that way.
For all of the believers out there..I just wanted to say that I WANT TO BELIEVE more then anything...and that is a good first step.