I have not been here since September – it was a rugged winter and spring for me. As of today I am eight days in and feeling well. Right now, if I had a choice of never having a drink again, or going back to dependence on alcohol, I would choose never to have a drink again. Hey wait a minute, I do have that choice - Whew, I am so lucky.
I have been working with meditation and a self-hypnosis program for the past two years. During that time I might get a few days or a week of solace but I would always find an excuse to muck it up and climb back into the bottle. This time I feel calm and centered. I won’t be so cocky as to tell you that I have it all figured out. (Give me another week for that
) But I do feel meditation has been key in setting my intention. I think I am on pretty safe ground when I say quitting an addiction is not the hard part. The hard part is wanting too, on a day in day out basis. Mediation helps me with that aspect.
Hypnosis has been helpful too but in a different way. With meditation you look for insights to come forth. Hypnosis is more like programming a behavior. Things like forgetting to get a bottle on the way home, or remembering to eat a snack in the afternoon to keep your blood sugar up. Very behaviorist stuff, but it helps.
Besides the higher power bit, I found AA off-putting because of the disease model of addiction. I simply hated the idea of being broken; a dry drunk for the rest of my life. Since I have been failing at moderation for the past few years, perhaps the disease model has more merit that I thought. No worries, I’ll leave that debate for another time. Perhaps in a decade or so I’ll be that guy that can enjoy a glass of wine over sunset with my sweetie and never give it another thought. Right now I simply have no use for alcohol in my life.