Hi Spryte,
Sorry to hear of your difficulties. I've been there too, and drinking at home kept me drunk for a lot of years. Maybe it slowed down the approach of my rock bottom. But eventually it caught up with me. For me, there was nothing I could do to stop. I couldn't even stop for one day. And no human power, not rehab, not psychiatrists, not counsellors, not self-help books, could relieve me of the problem.
Can I ask you to consider this: can you stop drinking on your own power? Do you have the willpower to stop now, and stay stopped? Are you drinking even when you really don't want to, because you have no choice in the matter?
That was my long experience of powerlessness, putting a glass to my lips and drinking the booze even when a voice inside my head (my spirit) was screaming "please stop!".
Consider this too: would your life be better without alcohol?
When I faced these things I was ready to truly begin my journey in AA. I couldn't and can't do it alone.
On manageability, I like the first pertinent idea in Chapter 5,
"That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives."
It was absolutely impossilbe for me, once I crossed the line where alcohol was in control (aand that happened very early in my life), to manage any aspect of my life, whether it was balancing the check book or coping with relationships, emotions, etc.
My life today is more manageable, but I believe that I still cannot fully manage or control it. Me in control is always a bad thing. For that I need a new manager, a Higher Power, to manage my life for me. He does that by guiding and directing my thinking, giving me inspiration and intuition at the right time, and putting teachers in my path when I'm ready for them. Usually my problems start when I try to manage things myself and think that I know what's best for me.
God does a much better job of it than I.
(Quotes from Big Book, 1st edition)