Roz,
I must say you are one of the most stubborn enablers I have ever met, you must have inherited it from your parents.
Sure hope that you have finally hit your bottom, and, will let the HP do what is right for your son.
All this enabling you and his grandparents do only prolong his decent and keep wiping out any possiblity of him seeking recovery.
He is a middle aged man, allow him the dignity to resolve this addiction on his own terms. No contact!
Get to those meetings, and Keep Posting, it will help.
All said with love,
Dolly