angrywife

My husband is an alcoholic, and has been a daily drinker for many years. Back in March, I had just had enough of everything and packed up myself and my kids and went to a hotel for a few days. I don't have any family I can stay with or anything so that was my only option. Husband stays home, drinks pretty much nonstop, finally decides to check himself into rehab. He checked into a short term acute facility, but decided on his own to go to a longer term place.

So 2.5 months later he comes home, no meetings, no sponsor, nothing. He lasts about a month and he's drinking again. I saw it coming a mile away. All the while, I am going to Alanon meetings, talking to my sponsor, reading, etc.

I suspect that he thought if he quit drinking, the rest of us would change and adjust to his desires so that he wouldn't want to drink. Ever since the relapse, I have asked a few times about getting back on the wagon, and his response is "what are you going to do?". My only reply has been "your recovery can't depend on my actions".

So finally Friday, everything hits the fan. I confronted him on the fact that his disease is so severe that he would rather put someone in danger than give up his drinking money. Of course he would not admit this, and finally he shot back with a comment about our "loveless marriage". I've been avoiding him since then, yesterday I spent the entire day at my office, today I took the kids swimming all day. He was sober today though (our city doesn't sell liquor on Sunday), so I texted him from the pool with this:

Me: Please stop playing headgames with me. If you don't love me, you are free to leave with no strings attached, you can take whatever you want. I don't want to give you a reason to say that you are being forced to stay.

Him: I don't know how you will react. I am very unhappy and scared.

Me: I haven't reacted to anything, I've been trying to stay out of the house as much as possible.

Him: Exactly.

Me: I don't want to be in the same house anymore than I have to with someone who doesn't feel the same about me as I do for them. It's just my way of protecting my emotions. I'm not taking anything from you by not being there, you have the car.

Him: You don't love me. You just want me like you want the dog or the fish. I don't even care if you do at this point because you don't show it. You've made it so difficult for me to leave this marriage at this point I feel like suicide is my only way out.

Me: I haven't made anything difficult, you are making it difficult in your own head. And you don't have the right to tell me how I feel. I need my sanity intact, so I will stay away from the house as much as possible until you are moved out.

Him: Good.

Me: So, you are moving out on Thursday right?

Him: Leave me alone.

Me: I will. I just want to let you know though that if you don't move out on your payday, we will move out on mine. It would be nice if you would let me know for sure though, so I can start gathering boxes if I need to.

Him: Phone off now.

We went home an hour or so later, and he started talking to me about cell phones, and then wanted to eat dinner and watch TV with me.

I completely meant what I said, about moving out. At this point, I don't care what I lose, whatever, I just want my sanity and serenity. I want a quiet family life with my kids without alcohol. I have a good career, it will be difficult but not impossible to rebuild.

I am sick of the drinking, the immaturity, manipulation, games, lies. I've just had enough. My self esteem has been pretty much zero until Alanon. He is unhappy, but it's not my fault. He's going to have to find his own happiness, and I am not going to sit around and let him blame me for his misery in the mean time.