Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
Personally, I never liked the term "codie" or "co-dependent," but that's just me. I do recognize that's it a shorthand term for a collection of behaviors that often accompany being in a relationship of any kind with an alcoholic or addict.
It's hard for me to explain why it bothers me--I suppose it's the implication (for me) that it's an innate personality trait rather than a coping mechanism for trying to live with insane behavior. We get gaslighted enough and we stop knowing what's real.
It's not a big deal, I'm not terribly offended by it, just don't use it, myself.
Yeah, me either. But, not all of us are the same, just like not all A's are the same. I didn't try to change my A, other than the obvious (get help, cause you can't be around me or the kid like this). I didn't check up after him, or follow him, or read his emails. I didn't measure the levels of booze in the bottles (ha, too many to do that too!).
But, I did believe the lies, and question what was real. And I did walk on eggshells. It WAS a reaction to living with the insanity, and an effort on my part to safeguard my daughter and myself. And I did it until it made me sick.
I wasn't raised by alcoholic or abusive parents. I didn't
understand what the heck it was all about. Once I realized that this jerk was going to continue to be abusive regardless of how dry he was, I left.
Now I have to figure out WHY I was so stupid and trusting. And fix it.