Dinamic,
I can't tell you how you should feel, but I don't feel useless and stupid. And look at what I wrote in an earlier post, talking about my progressive drinking leading to morning drinking, etc.
If I were to pick up again tonight, I could limit myself to 5 beers. And my alcoholic brain would be cheering me on saying "see you're not an alcoholic, you can stop after 5".
And my alcoholic brain would know that I took the bait and that I'm hooked again. And two weeks from now, it would still be only 5 beers a night for me. However, vodka would have joined the party, and the next day I would only drink 2 beers . . . for breakfast, so that I can get some equalibrium to start my day. It's a progressive disease. 5 beers is 5 too many for me.
That experience made me feel pretty stupid. My thought when I shared my experience is that maybe it would help you to avoid a similiar experience.
I've got a little bit of sober time under my belt right now, but I clearly remember the guilt, shame, and low self esteem that I felt after my last bender. I don't feel that way today. I would guess that 10% of that change is due to AA, and 90% of that change occured by simply removing alcohol from the equation. When alcohol is out of my life I feel so much better.