I need to know what we should be doing *now*
My uncle almost killed himself.
I have a small family. At holidays it consists of my mom, my uncle and aunt, my brother, his girlfriend, their two kids and me and my kids.
My aunt and uncle never had kids, and I always felt like I had a bonus set of parents.
They used to take my youngest brother and I to Geauga Lake, and a lot of other places, too.
They were both teachers, and over the last few years both have retired.
My uncle was an athlete, taught middle school gym class, played sports all of his life.
He is the reason I know there are good men out there, he has healthy boundaries and respects women and children.
He's had both shoulders replaced, and last fall had both knees replaced for the second time.
Two weeks ago he was told he needs both hips replaced.
He's been taking vicodin and sleeping pills for YEARS because it's how he "manages the pain".
My uncle is an alcoholic.
I've known he had a drinking problem before I could even comprehend what that meant.
I'd go over to his house and there were CASES of beer stacked next to his fridge - and he was always pounding them down.
2 weeks ago he put himself in rehab, but he was unwilling to give up the pills, so they discharged him after not even 24 hours.
He went to 3 AA meetings.
Monday night he took 30 vicodin and 30 sleeping pills.
My aunt woke up at 3:45am to find him on the floor in the living room unresponsive.
She called 911 and he was unconscious for 3 days in the ICU. When he woke up he said "the plan was to take all of the pills, then go in the back yard and slit my wrists".
He has liver damage, and kidney damage.
He wants to go to rehab for his alcoholism.
He almost died.
He was big and strong, now he's small and wasting away.
Last night he asked the doctor for a sleeping pill because he can't sleep.
I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to help my aunt. The entire family is looking to me because I went to rehab as a teenager and worked the 12 steps really hard for 5 years - then got married, moved away, had kids, and have stayed sober and healthy without meetings (sober almost 16 years now). I even worked in a drug rehab center from age 18-20, but I'm almost 32 and that seems like another lifetime ago.
He was this big, strong, healthy guy, and now he could be any homeless man.
I'd know better how to guide my aunt if this was her child, but he's her husband and I don't know how to tell her to do nothing when he's so very sick, in the hospital, depressed, recovering from an overdose and on his way to mental health and rehab. When will he be physically well enough and emotionally well enough (can walk, medically stable and not suicidal) to be responsible for his own recovery? I know that *right now* he needs support, but I don't want the short term support to turn into long term codependence. I don't want the emergency "we will hold you up until you can hold yourself up" to turn into a lifetime of propping and excuse making.
When should we (his family, his wife, everyone) let go?
Should we wait until he's a few weeks out of rehab? Support him through getting to meetings, and finding a sponsor? Or is it today, when he's still very sick, looking at liver failure and dialysis, mentally unstable and on suicide watch, so weak he can't walk?
Help me to help my aunt.
Help me to know when to help and not help my uncle!