AS doesn't get it. Acts like nothing will be different come Monday. Figure he can just keep his keys and come back. (haven't told him about changing locks)
Have you told him he has to find somewhere else to live?
I haven't really firmly established boundaries with him all this time because he was trying or wrestling with stopping and recovering and doing many of the right things to do so. Now I feel like I'm punishing him for his efforts to do better and giving him the wrong message. Who am I to insist that rehab is the only way for him?
We can only establish boundaries for ourselves. When we attempt to do so for others, we are indeed trying to control them.
I feel like I would like to give him one more week to make and follow a postitive constructive plan to stop using drugs and do something constructive and productive with his life and taking responsibility for himself. He would have to demonstrate and provide proof of doing those things, like actively applying for jobs, seeking out and participating in some steps to stop using drugs, save his money and open a bank account, etc.
Of course I have encouraged him to do these things during the 3 months he has been staying here, but I didn't mandate it as a condition of being here, like other parents have done with their addict children.
Sounds like a warden's job to me.
Is it really so unfair to lower the boom on him just because he didn't go to rehab? He really wanted to go back to his original residential program, but they are the ones that insisted he go to the rehab in the mountains as a condition to coming back. That had a lot to do with why he didn't want to go there and felt forced.
Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought. Maybe I still am not done trying to 'save' my son or give him another chance. Maybe I need to detach more gradually myself.
I have been homeless and it is extremely hard to rise up from it, even when drugs and alcohol aren't responsible. I don't feel I am ready to inflict that on my son yet. On the other hand, intellectually I know he needs a hard dose of reality staring him in the face to maybe get it. If he would just say he really does want to stop using or ask if he could stay a little longer so he can get into a rehab or get a job or something....but he's not. I think he figures he can just come back here next week if he can't talk his girlfriend into letting him stay there awhile. ( I really hope she will. Maybe he'll do it for her or maybe he'll finally get the impact his drug use has on his relationship with her.)
I thinkI'm in shock because he's so nonchalant about the whole thing. Or does that mean I'm doing the right thing?
I really struggle with this detachment business.
We all have and /or do.