26 and I'm sick of being "that drunk"
I have been drinking since I was around 15. My friends and I used to buy 40s of Old English, and sneak into graveyards, and drink and smoke. I drank throughout high school, and then college years.
About 3 years ago I started drinking to the point of blacking out. I lost my ability to quit drinking ( I would drink and drink and drink until I was trashed.)
I don't have the best stomach, and I have hurled in places I wouldn't have wanted to. Drinking has ruined a few jobs of mine, in addition to really taking money out of my pocket at my commission job.
On hungover days, I am no good the entire day.
In 2005 I started having panic attacks and depression. I went on antidepressants and Xanax and turned into an alcoholic xanax head. I got a DUI.
I have done so many stupid and disgusting things that I can't say here.
Although I am of the age when most of my friends on facebook are also alcoholics (whether they know it or not,) I know I need to quit now before it negatively affects my health.
I just don't know how to pass my trigger points. I drink when I'm bored, when I'm stressed, when I'm lonely, when I want to celebrate. I don't even know a normal adult life without alcohol, as I was a teenager when I started.
When I don't drink I sit home, bored, as if I'm missing the world. My sister, an alcoholic, killed herself 10 years ago, and I don't want to follow in her footsteps.
What to do?