Smallsteps, I was the same way with my AW. I was your classic enabler. I used to confront her then I just stopped. I would pour her drinks out, leaving the empty bottles in the recycles so she could see I poured them out. I would find her hidden bottles and empty those too. I avoided her and focused on me and our two kids. Letting her wallow in her drunkeness.
In time I got fed up and when she called our daugther a liar when she told me of her hidding liquor I told her it was the last step. We were through. The next day she tried to kill herself. Even as loveless as our marriage was at that point I was the one person who always told her she could get better and I gave up on her.
She survived the attempt, we seperated, she did inpatient and is now 10 months sober. We got back together after 6 months of being separated. I think it was more out of fear on my part of being alone and single. I do love her but I trust her, even sober. I think constantly of the affiar she had with my best friend and how she took me for granted for years. I struggle with finding my own self worth, I seem to be sucked up in her well being and not my own.
Listen to what your therapist says. I wish mine had said the same. I spent so much time and energy worrying about her I never looked out for the most important person in my life, ME.
I am open and honest with my kids about her drinking. I tell my 13 year old everything. I want her to see how low addiction can take someone. My 9 year old doesn't know about the affair or suicide attempt. He's too young for that but we talk openly about addiction and what it did to our family.
One thing I wish I had done back then was set ground rules. Tell her I would not tolerate her being drunk at home where the kids could see it. If she wanted to do that then she could get out. if she wanted to get help i would have been there for her. Instead, I enabled her by turning my head and pretending it didn't exist to avoid conflict.