hi small steps-
that's the way...small steps...
in the beginning, i found it helpful to remind myself "i am powerless over alcohol" about 20 times a day. it helped when i found myself doing something to help him instead of helping me.
it is a progressive disease, as you know, and he might not remain functional.
for myself, it was a gradual process of coming out of my own denial. then it was "hands off his drinking". i learned to not speak about drinking anymore and began to simply get on with my own life.
there was no way i could remain with my alcoholic, living together. it took a while to come up with an exit plan but everyone here really helped me every step of the way.
i can't help you with the children question, as i don't have any but i am sure someone will be along with help.
have you tried therapy? i find it very helpful. interestingly, my therapist is not interested one bit in xABF, says he's a side-effect of my own tendencies. was rather surprised at that but after a year now, i see she is absolutely correct to not use up our time together analysing him.
welcome to sr and glad you finally decided to post.