Hi MyBroIsAlc,
I've been all around the barn with my 3 A bros. I have the least contact w/ my oldest bro who lives far away from me and although he gave up booze he smokes pot 24/7/365 and I just have a very hard time connecting with him. We speak on birthdays and Christmas, by phone, send the occasional email, that's about it. Works for me because it is just reality - there is no reason to have more contact, our contact is completely inauthentic.
With my other bros it is a little more complicated I guess. I am closer to them, live closer to them, and so I see them at family functions. If they are drinking I usually leave, I don't make a fuss or a statement, I just have my own fun & talk to everyone I love and then get out before I have to see their decline. They know they cannot drink in my house etc. so they rarely visit my house!
But I do have more of a relationship with them. I used to never answer their phone calls, just let it go to v.m. and if they sounded sober then I would call and talk to them. One bro had several months of AA and sobriety under his belt and I started rebuilding alittle more frequent contact - I found I could pick up my phone when he called and it would all be good. Then one day I picked it up and he was wasted, so now I am back to letting it ring through to v.m.
One thing I've always found over the years is I can always send them messages of love - a postcard here or there, or a letter. I do love them, and I know they know that.
I guess you could always try going no contact for a while. Nothing is written in stone. Maybe a few months off from your uncomfortable contact will point you in a new direction?
Good books that helped me were "Under the Influence" and "Codependent No More."
Also more than anything AlAnon helped me change my perspective. SD probably has a lot of meetings to choose from so you could maybe find one that "clicks" for you.
peace-
B