Old 07-18-2010, 09:43 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
MyBroIsAlc
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2
Should I stay in contact with my Alcoholic Brother

My brother is an alcoholic and has been one since he was 16. (he is 41 now)Like many of you, I could write a novel about all of the trouble he has gotten into and the BS he has put me through. I will spare you the details. He is the proverbial "functional" alcoholic. He stays employed, gets drunk on various weeknights, and generally get's wasted every weekend. I am able to stay away from 99% percent of his drama these days because I now live very far away from him. We get along alright over all. I have not seen him face to face for almost 3 years. Even though he lives in a place with cold, cold winters, and I live in San Diego, he has never come to visit me, because he knows I will not allow him to drink in my home. What's more important, seeing your one and only brother, or drinking? We all know the answer to that one.

My brother has no friends besides me and his alcoholic, substance abuser, low self esteemed, enabling girlfriend.

Anyways, my brother calls me usually once every 1-2 weeks, and he usually has a new plan about how he is going to reorganize his life, quit alcohol, event something, start a business, move to a foreign country, etc, etc. I know now from 20 years of listening to these stories that nothing is going actually get done, because he will just stay drunk and lose all ambition.

The crux. So, I try to call my brother once a week to stay in touch. Typically he answers the phone, I ask how he's doing, then I tell him a little bit about what I'm excited about: a new novel I'm reading, a new movie I've seen, a place I've traveled to, what I'm doing with my girlfriend, etc. He has no interest whatsoever. He says "yeah", "hmm", and asks no questions for me to elaborate, like you would in a typical conversation between two human beings that care about each other. After about 5 minutes he finds an excuse to get off the phone: he has to take out his dog, his gf is just arriving, his gf will be arriving soon and he has to clean, cook, etc, or he is in the middle of something, etc.

My question: Should I even bother maintaining the relationship? I love my brother, but I feel that he has no care or empathy for me. As long as the conversation is about him, we can talk forever, but if it ever changes over to something I'm doing or interested in, it quickly ends.

I actually brought it up to him at one point, and he changed his attitude for about 2 weeks (he feigned interest in me), but now he's back to "all about him". I have plenty of non-alcoholic friends that I have healthy two-way communication with. Should I continue with this relationship? Should I not call him and then just wait for him to call me? Even though, when he calls me, the calls are still just all about him. I'm not waiting for him to change. I know he won't.

Do any other's out there have relationships like this with their alcoholic family members? How do you deal?

Also, what are some of the best books to help people deal with alcoholic family members?

Thanks in advance.
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