Hi Caligirl,
Welcome to SR. This is a great forum with great people.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, and I understand your emotions. And yes, your children are being affected, so your first priority is to them. I know you are aware of that, but sometimes it takes hearing it again.
But re: your relationship you said :
I feel like I should divorce him but then I'm scared I will regret it. The thought of him with someone else just kills me
...so let me ask you, your situation is dire enough that you are considering a divorce, this is clearly making you unhappy and you want to change that...but what would you regret? Would you regret the life you THOUGHT you would have? What you are living and the IDEA of what you want your life to be are two very different things. It is very easy to hold onto something because we keep wanting it to be something else, when really, it is what it is, and we have to accept the reality of it.
Second, the "thought of him with someone else kills you.."...well, I TOTALLY get that. But, if that someone else got this same man who you are saying that you should divorce, would you be so envious?? Because that is EXACTLY the same man that someone else would get should you remove yourself.
Unless he really does some hard hard work, you can be sure of that.
Ending any relationship is so difficult and painful, but there is another side to that pain. There's a lot of great advice and support here.
Keep posting.
