phoebe - i haven't been here long, but i have been dealing with my addict son for 8 years - i know you will get help from the wise people here at SR - just reading through the comments for others will help as well - take care of your kids first and foremost - you only have this time to help them through this - they won't wait until you get a handle on it and they certainly won't wait until their father has things under control - prayers will be with you as you find your way