My heart is just breaking right now for all of you who had to go through the horror of living w/ an alcoholic parent, and for the OP's children who are currently living through it.
My 2 sisters both married alcoholics. They were all a lot older than me, and I had nieces and nephews close to my own age.
I remember once-my parents and I went to visit my oldest sister. I was probably around 8 or 9. I distinctly remember her husband being 2 sheets to the wind, and standing up in the middle of the living room, dropping his pants, and peeing all over the carpet. My sister rushed in to clean it up as if it was no big deal.
At that moment, I knew that wasn't right and wondered why on earth did everyone act like it was normal? Because i grew up in a healthy household, w/ 2 nonalcoholic parents, this DID NOT seem normal to me. I felt sad for my 2 step-nieces and nephews who had to deal with this kind of craziness DAILY. You don't wanna know how they turned out. Last I heard, the boy was in jail, and the girl had had 2 babies by 2 different "baby daddies".
My other sister...whenever I went over there to spend the night, there was always some drama going on with HER alcoholic husband. once, she woke us up at 2am and dragged us out so she could go to the bar and confront her husband where he was hanging out w/some cheap floozy.
Her 2 children have had serious problems in their adult life-no big surprise. Her son was in jail for driving on a suspended license ( i think it got suspended for a DUI, not sure)...and is in recovery now from heroin addiction.
Her daughter, who I'm still very close to, married a guy who I suspect may be an alcoholic. Her husband is 36 and already has heart disease and high blood pressure, and a host of other medical problems. My niece has always been an over-achiever...one of those over-compensators who, because of her father's alcoholism, has become a perfectionist. she had to grow up too soon-she was more like a parent to her mother than a child.
She has that whole "walking on eggshells" thing adult children of As talk about.
She has health problems of her own...migraines, her own high blood pressure problem...reproductive issues...
Look, I was not even the child of these women, and I know all of this affected me. Perhaps on some level, those experiences, in addition to the trauma I suffered around my divorce, led to me to get involved with an active alcoholic the last 3 yrs. Who knows? All I know is, no child should have to live in that kind of insanity, no matter how "benign" it seems to the codependent parent-they are being affected by it daily.