Originally Posted by
boyblue 
I'm not going to lie, I do resent my father for many things. For not taking care of us when I was little, for having to receive food from my aunts so we could eat. For having to wear my old shoes to school, they were a size too small and they hurt my feet. One of my uncles finally bought me some shoes when it became painfully obvious they were too small.
I'm so sorry your childhood was taken away from you by this disease. It happens to far too many children. I think it is natural for you to feel resentment and anger.
About four years ago my parents bought a house, it's a big house and my brother moved into the second floor, while I live with my parents on the third floor. My brother moved in with his girlfriend and we thought that since they were going to be together that he would finally stop drinking. He did, for a few months but then he started again. My father on the other hand, he started drinking as well, not like before but he keeps saying he won't do it again and yet he still does.
This must be really hard for you - living with TWO alcoholics in the house. Have you considered moving out? Do you have the financial means to do so? You've been in a toxic environment since you were a child...your father and brother are alcoholics, and your mother is deeply codependent and unable to stop enabling them. This is a recipe for continued misery if you don't get out of there and find a healthy environment for yourself.
Throughout all this, it's my mother I'm worried about. She has been through so much. Dealing with my father, dealing with us being poor because of it when we were young, her own childhood, watching my brother like this.
The only person you can control or change is yourself. Do you not feel any resentment towards your MOTHER? I would...she is the sane, normal parent, yet she did NOTHING to remove you from your toxic situation throughout your whole childhood.
We make our choices...my mom used to say "you made your bed, you lie in it." Your mother chose to stay, despite what your father and brother's behavior was putting you through. I certainly wouldn't be worried about her....she could leave, or throw your dad AND your brother out at any time. She chooses not to, because she is JUST AS SICK AS THEY ARE.
On SR, this is why we say "alcoholism is a FAMILY disease."
I also want to leave with my mother. She says that she would leave but I know that she only stays because of my brother. We have tried talking, we have tried yelling.
You can't control your mother.
Talking...yelling...none of that is going to make a whit of difference to the alcoholic. An alcoholic will not get help until he/she hits bottom and is ready to do so.
Your mom may not realize it, but she is keeping your dad and brother in their disease by enabling them.
I suggest you read the stickies on this site. "Codependent No More" is a great book I highly suggest you read.
Go to al-anon...seriously. I was in a 3 yr toxic, off and on rel'ship with an alcoholic...even in that short amount of time, I felt traumatized and damaged. I can't imagine what you and your mom are going thru. If you can convince your mom to go to a meeting with you, so much the better.
I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH. Al-anon has been a godsend for me and many others on this forum.
So I got that thought into my head, that perhaps he would stop but I've been reading some of the material on the site and I know it won't.
Nope, you're right. Absolutely nothing you can say or do will help, other than to STOP ENABLING HIM.
Helping vs. enabling: Helping means, you do for someone what they cannot do for themselves. Enabling: doing something for someone that they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves.
My brother's girlfriend went to another state on vacation with her family so now my mother and I are worried he will drink even more because no one will be able to see him.
NO ONE...not you, not your mother, not your girlfriend...have any power whatsoever over your brother's drinking. Trying to get him to change is only going to make you insane. It's codependency, plain and simple. The first step you learn in al-anon is:
"I am powerless over alcohol. I am powerless over other people."
It's very liberating when you fully accept that first step.
I just need to know everything will be okay. That one day my brother will go back to being that man that once liked to play soccer and keep himself fit.
No one can promise or guarantee your brother will get help. Do you know how things can get better for you? If you stop focusing so much on your brother and father, and focus on the only person you can change or control: yourself.
Al-anon will help you do this.