Thumper

This is so true. There really wasn't a defining moment - more like a growing realization. I also began to understand that some of the things I struggled with most as an adult - and that led to some of my very poor decisions - were a result of *my* childhood, which I had always considered quite good. I realized that I did not have a good point of reference.

The only thing I have to add is that my dh was not a negative presense in the house - until I filed for divorce. The last three months were not pretty and my children will have emotional scars that will follow them. I wish I'd have found the strength to make sure we were living in seperate houses asap. There was no way to control what he said and did around them when I wasn't there, but I sure didn't have to subject them to us living together and the things that happened in those three months. Lots of all night drunk fests where he just ranted and raved at me, one time he threw things around in the kitchen. He had never done that before and I have so much regret that they have that in their memories.