Sohurt,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to understand the pain you must feel. I hope you'll keep coming back here and keep searching for ways to cope with your grief.
I've never been in your situation, but I think it is a good thing you're been crying today. You're relasing some of your pain. I guess all kind of days, the ones in which you're be more or less brave stand in front of you, and I wish you strenght through this hardship.
I hope you'll keep writing your sadness, your pain, your anger here for us, and we'll do our best to help you get through it.
You are in my thoughts