My heart hurts for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You were right to register and post here. You will get the support you need, and a place to just get it all out. Ramble on when you need to, look for support when you need to, cry when you need to, just keep coming back.
I wish you peace in your life. I hope you have a good support system where you live?? It's not too late to go to Alanon as you must still have alot of feelings that have to come out.
Good luck on your recovery journey and God Bless. Remember to keep posting and lean on others for support when you need it, that is what we are here for--each other!
Nicky