Thanks LaTeeDa, I see what you're saying, but I've reserved an apartment to move into two weeks from now. I'm clear on what actions aren't acceptable, I'm looking for an indication of real change.
For those of you playing along at home, he's sober now and back to his non-drinking self, so we're back to the peaceful home life. The counsellor came over this morning and we had our little session.
We had a nice talk about it, trying to find solutions. The counsellor said that he wouldn't recommend residential treatment in my husband's case, as he was only out of control during the binges (which last about a week until he sobers himself up). Also the counsellor wouldn't recommend medication. The counsellor recommended a drinking diary and more intensive counselling. Also my husband reiterated that he didn't want to binge anymore, and if it meant not drinking any alcohol ever again, then so be it.
My counsellor said it would be a long process, finding other outlets for stress, etc., as one would expect. (Which, I'm happy to leave the whole treatment process to them as I'm not an addictions specialist, just so long as it's something serious.)
I was able to get it off my chest that I was tired of walking on eggshells all the time, that even when he isn't bingeing I'm worried about when the next one will be, and I can't go on like that. Which my husband kind of knew, but it was nice to say my piece.
He's ashamed and contrite, but I don't want any of that: contrition never lasts and anyway I think contrition and resentment are two sides of the same coin. Put your energy into generally knocking it off!
So--do I keep my apartment for the end of the month, or not?
Let's see: on one hand, husband has said for the first time that he doesn't want to drink anymore. He's committed to intensive alcoholic/addictions counselling. This is a major step, and so in the wake of that it doesn't really make sense for me to then go, "Yeah, but I'll just cut my losses anyway and leave."
On the other hand, oh, who knows? Really only time will tell whether he's got the commitment to this.
I need a plan for myself though. I could do this: if, at the end of these two weeks, he's still doing the intensive counselling and diary, then I'll cancel my apartment and stay. If he's back to the "Hey, what's the big deal?" crap, then I'll go.