atdawn

I did that ... in the end I bailed out. As others said this is a progressive disease. And no one can help him but himself.
Years ago I thought him and I were different - that our story would somehow turn out fine ... It was very hard for me to take any advice from other people because of that ...
The way I learnt was to go through ten years of slowly slipping down, until the situation became unbearable ...

My AH used to be lovely to be around 10 years ago ... things slowly got worse ... over the last year or so he became abusive... this disease is ugly ...
10 years ago .... I did not know much about alcoholism and knew nothing about codependency
10 years ago ... my judgement was clouded by my need to be loved by someone and my wish to have kids (took me 10 years to realize this).

and about kids - I want the best for my children - I thought I was so good because I got him to sober up for a few months before conception...
... I thought a lot about protecting each of my children while pregnant (eating the right things, not drinking, avoiding smoky environments etc...). but protecting them does not end when they exit the womb. Raising kids with an active A in the house has been very hard. As the disease progressed it became harder and harder to protect them, and I grew more and more exhausted. On top of this I now know that children of alcoholics are 4 times more likely to become alcoholics than other children.

... good luck ...