Oh Snick huge hugs!
It's obvious your trying, but to me it seems like he's not willing to put in the effort and appears to be using AA as his excuse. Please know it's not the norm for most of us.
Magic gave you some good suggestions, I hope you'll consider them. In the meantime it's time to think about you, do something for yourself, get involved, maybe when he see's your not "controlling" and are moving on with your life, he'll get motivated to participate in your relationship. *hugs*