Thread: Small victory
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Old 07-13-2010, 06:14 PM
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chicory
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Small victory

Hi all-
I posted maybe a week ago, for the first time. I have a grown son, who has been taking advantage of me. I am an acoa, and an enabler (recovering). He is probably an alcoholic, tho has no money to drink right now.
He is living with me, to get on his feet. But , he wont get off his A--! Would say he was looking, no jobs, no car, too hot, so many reasons . Was getting me to buy him a beer or two on weekends, to drink while visiting cyber friends. I also was supplying his tobacco. I have been afraid to say no, deep down, to him since forever. He has been a nagging, oppressive kid, and would not give up, until he got his way.we.., he has turned into someone who has not been on his own, ever, but lived with various friends, and then me, in the recent years, and he is 38. He is very smart, but not taking care of his self at all. I have been trying to encourage him, helping him get medical care which he needs, and got him evaluated by psychiatrists (two of them, separate times) one said bipolar 2, the other, who was recommended by a good source, felt he was seeking drugs, basically, for he is convinced that he needs somehting for his anxiety, but he has researched it and knows "just what he should have" for his particular problem. until recently, I felt he was just a lazy alcoholic user. then I worried that he has mental problems. now, I think he is an addictive personality, and would medicate whatever mental misadjustments he has going on.
I was so frustrated, I looked online and found this site. so glad that i did. am learning just how much i have been stunting his growth. enabling him, keeping him from his necessary bottom.
Itook good advice, and determined not to do more for him than he is doing for his self. refused to buy his smokes, or any more beer. warned him of tormenting me, about my decision. not to harass me. or he will go. if he wants to be in jail, or on the streets, that is his choice. I would help him with a bed as long as he is helping his self. he was angry, argued , and hit his car with his fist. I stood my ground. told him to take the bike and find butts to smoke , if he needs to.
today at work, he called me to ask me to take him to nearby restaurant, to apply for cook. took him, and he applied. he has been muttering about stuff, but I have stood my ground, and for today, it is working.
long way to go, tho. and I know it. I feel like i am giving him his dignity back,, a little of it. an not arguing, and not taking the bait, when he say s something nasty. it feels good, not to try to keep him comfortable.
I just pray that he will someday be able to take care of his self, and that he gets help for his addictive nature.

I keep thinking of that saying which goes something like this, I think.
"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach him to fish, and you set him free" or something to that effect.
Say a prayer, please, that my son learns to fish.
thanks to all- you have been so caring and helpful.
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