At this point, Snick, I would suggest some professional counseling. It sounds like you have already done the things previously suggested. Family counseling helped me start learning how to express my needs assertively and how to communicate more effectively. It's impossible for me to tell if your husband's interpretation of your requests as controlling are coming from something about HIM or from something about how you're expressing yourself; it's probably a combination, of course. I know it's very tricky for me to say what I feel without sounding accusatory thus putting my husband on the defensive. But I think I'm getting better with practice. Still wishing you both the best and feel free to PM me.
Love, Eddie