Originally Posted by
Floggo 
He's not working the steps because he's questioning if he's even an alcoholic at all. He's still sober, but lately he gets very depressed and tempted and withdraws. I understand being tempted by something that's been your first choice coping method for years. But instead of reaching out, he's started wallowing in self pity, being disrespectful to everyone including his closest friends, complaining and tearing everyone down, and acting like nothing he's doing is wrong.
Is this the kind of male role model you want for your toddler?
First, I am going to speak to you as an alcoholic with long-term recovery. Your post has many red flags in where this guy is headed. The train wreck is coming, and I wonder if you really know what you're in for if you don't get out of the way.
It is suggested that recovering alcoholics not get in a relationship for at least the first year. There is good reason for that. That is not the stance of AA, but rather people who have been around the rooms for a long time and see what happens when relationships happen too early. I am a prime example of what not to do in early sobriety. I drank again after 4 years because I had gotten myself enmeshed in yet another toxic relationship, and when he drank again, I wasn't far behind.
As a recovering codependent, I can also tell you I brought much pain to both of my daughters while they were still growing up by engaging in unhealthy relationships.
I now have a 32 year old daughter who's an active addict/alcoholic, and a 22 year old daughter who's hooked up with an emotionally/verbally abusive alcoholic boyfriend.
My poor choices in relationships affected both of them.
You are
not his savior.
I highly recommend getting your hands on the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, and "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood.
I would also recommend Alanon meetings for yourself.
My man-picker was broken for a long time, and until I was willing to look at the choices I made in men, I repeated the same mistake over and over, with different men.
Your daughter has no voice. You are her voice.
Children are like little sponges, and they soak up all the emotions around them, including the confusion you are experiencing. If she's around him at all, I can guarantee she's internalizing the negativity.
You say she comes first. How would you feel if she was grown up and with a man as you just described? What would you recommend to her?
I have no doubt you love your daughter with all your heart, and will make a decision on her best interest.
