Originally Posted by
whereisthisgoin 
You are one of my favorite posters. I don't know your story, though. How old are your children? How did they handle the divorce when it first happened? How is exah with the kids?
I really like to hear about life after divorce. It gives me strength.
My story, in a nutshell, is married for 18 years. The first 10-12 weren't too bad. We both drank, but as I started to outgrow it, he progressed. I kicked him out of the house in 2005, which was probably about 5 years later than I should have. He got sober about 6 months later and we tried to reconcile. My children were 13 (daughter) and 9 (son) at the time. We were all in therapy for a little over a year. It was rough for a couple of years. They still exhibit traits of children of alcoholics, but are able to recognize and work through most of the residual trauma.
Our attempt a reconciliation failed, and I am grateful that we didn't jump back in to the husband/wife roles. I knew how hard it was on my children that we separated in the first place, so we dated for a while and talked about what our relationship would look like
if we decided to get back together. During that time, it became clear to me that even without the alcohol, he could not be who I wanted in a partner. He was still selfish, immature, and irresponsible, and I had changed too much to allow those things in my life.
My children are now 17 and 13. My daughter graduated high school last month. She had a B+ average throughout high school. She is happy and enthusiastic and working on starting her own business. I am very proud of her. My son, who was always a loner with very few friends now has a tight-knit group of buddies who have similar interests as him--mostly music. He's been in the band for four years and will be starting high school in the fall and will be in the marching band. He (and his friends) are all straight A students and are known as the "cool geeks." I'm very proud of him, too.
I continue to hope that I broke the cycle with them that has been handed down for many generations, both on my side of the family and their father's side. Time will tell, but for now, it's looking hopeful.
My life has never been better. I met a guy about two years after the separation and we are still seeing each other. It's been over three years. We don't live together, and see each other mostly on weekends. He's coming with us on vacation starting Friday for two weeks. We are all looking forward to it very much.
I guess that was a pretty big nutshell, lol. Best wishes to you, and to all of you who are afraid of the unknown. It can and will get better.
L