Frannie,
Good God woman, stop beating yourself up this minute. You aren't stupid or hopeless. You are just well trained in the ways of codependence. So now, you have to train yourself right out of that stuff. It isn't easy and it doesn't come fast, but you can do it. Take a look at this post, it's a good way to start.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=16967