So the best solution is just to have no contact with him at all? I can swallow this but it will be so so very hard seeing as how I am practially waiting for the phone to ring because I want to believe that he needs me, and that in just a matter of minutes he'll reach his epiphany.
I guess when he calls to try to arrange a time to see Ayla tomorrow I am going to have to explain to him that this cannot and will not work. However, I do want to apologize to him about the way that I tried to make him quit though, and all the nasty, degrading things that I said to him. I truly was a monster as well, and I am ashamed of myself for it now. I want him to know that I DO love him and that I wish the best for him and that I truly hope one day he'll find the strength and realization to quit but that I cannot sit by and be a part of it anymore. I do not want to be angry anymore. As I'm writing this I am bawling my eyes out because I cannot imagine my life without him, even if it was sometimes miserable, I feel a tremendoius loss.