(((frannie)))
The first thing I would suggest is that you stop telling yourself that you are "stupid" and "hopeless". You're not. Start telling yourself that you are "smart" (which is obvious from your posts) and that you are "working on yourself and will get better" (which you will).
It is a process. I know that I couldn't just say "Oh, so I'm codependent." and then change that overnight. It really, really helped me to learn to not respond to everything in an instant. When I felt like I might do or say something that wasn't helpful to my recovery, I just stopped and thought about it. Everything that went through my brain didn't have to come out of my mouth.
It will get easier. You're doing a good job.
L