Originally Posted by
akrasia 
I kinda fear what will happen when I move out. Do I take the car with me? What if he forgets to lock (or even close) the front door at night, as has happened before?
Anyway, thanks again.
Is living in fear of his consequences how you want to spend your life?
Hi, I'm Pelican, a recovering alcoholic
a recovering co-dependent and
a recovering (ex)spouse of an alcoholic.
Pleased to meet you!
I want to ask you to please stop making your alcoholic comfortable while he recovers from his hangover. I demanded peace and quiet and fastfood takeout when I was nursing a hangover. Everyone had to walk on egg shells around me. You know what I learned from that? My family would love me and stick by me no matter how horribly I behaved. Why should I change?
If I was feeling sorry for myself (alcoholics are terminally unique), I could throw myself a pity party complete with lots of alcoholic beverages. I could expect fellow drinkers to join me and listen to my tirades. I could expect my family to love me through it all and help me feel better about myself by taking care of me while I recovered from my latest drunken escapade.
As far as your AH not having injured anyone YET, how do you know? How do you know that he only hit a wall with the vehicle? You accept the word of someone who was so drunk that they vomitted themselves?
I know you want to have a serious talk with him, when he is able. I wanted to talk some sense into my AH too. I tried reasoning, crying, screaming, silence and avoidance.
One of the tools that has helped me in my recovery is to "play the tape forward". You imagine your conversation with your AH. You imagine the things you want to say to your AH. Then you imagine the responses. The real responses based on past behaviors. (The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior). What will the end of this conversation look like? What will change?
If this conversation is to bring about change in your AH, why hasn't it worked before?
If this conversation is to let your AH know your feelings, that is your right to share with your partner.
I am suggesting you check your motives for the serious talk with your AH and decide what outcome you are hoping for.
This is a sticky post from one of our permanent posts. I have found this advise to be spot on:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Please continue to make yourself at home here by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you!