Hi Everyone... I ask myself the same question"why Do I Stay"....I have been to one Alanon and it helped. I haven't called my sponsor this week. Everytime I want to say something in the meeting I just cry. I have never been able to cry before. Its really a tough time in my life. A part of me wants to leave.....funny I check the classifieds everyday for an apartment. I never follow thru with the idea. I love my A b/f. I think there is to much damage their to have a relationship. I have tried to talk to him about our relationship. He told me his sick of my psychology discussions and replies "Can we have one good night?" I feel so lonely and isolated in this relationship. Last night he told me I was a Waco. HE thought I was mentally ill and needed a therapist instead of Alanon. I never thought my heart could be so harded where he is concerned. I used to go to the mall and sit and just see how families reacted to each other. Isn't that sick. Today we went to the lake for the fourth us and our son. We sat on a blanket and hardly spoke to each other. Close by was a family interacting...with their kids. I thought that could be me Happy. I think our child is effected by his drinking. He is two and hasn't even said Dad yet. I am the one that has a career, maintains the housework. I do everything he sits and watchs tv. I think everyday I am with him I am missing out on happiness. Yet I am still here. I cann't explain it.......I have been so beat down by him verbal mental and physical abuse and I stay. In my mind I can see myself packing and leaving. I tell myself I cann't continue to live this way. I feel really dark and ugly inside. He had been sober for a month. Then decided he can be a social drinker. He doesn't drink every night, like before. The social drinking isn't acceptable to me. I dare not say aword, to avoid conflict. We rarely talk at all. I do want to be happy with my life. I just cann't explain it today.....tommorrow is a new day...God Speed Mary