How is him choosing to cope with his problems by indulging in a toxic substance that will kill him, your fault?
There are people who have worse problems than you all did, who don't turn to getting high or wasted as an escape...
Everyone has problems in life-we all choose how we deal with them. Nobody MAKES us do anything. The only time someone can make you do something is when they hold a gun to your head.
Embarrassment, shame and guilt is what leads alcoholics to blame others in their lives for their problems. That, and denial of their true problem. It's the disease talking when he says those things.
In al-anon circles, we call it "quacking". Also, the empty promises that "I'll cut down" or "I'll stop drinking...tomorrow"...quack quack. (BTW al-anon has helped me tremendously.)
It's all meaningless words, and you learn to look at their actions instead. No one deserves the kind of insane life you have been thrust into.
Someone once said on this forum, "alcoholics don't have relationships. They take hostages." How long do you want to be a hostage?