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Old 07-10-2010, 11:06 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
sandrawg
Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Bingo!!!

I was with my xabf off and on for 3 yrs. I was always being dumped because he wanted to party w/his friends. I was also an obstacle. It truly s*cks to think of yourself that way, I know, and it goes against everything rational.

Many nights I spent thinking, "wait, but he says he LOVES me...so how on earth could he choose drinking over me?" That is probably the most crazy-making part.

We would break up and then in my absence, he'd start missing me. So he'd make some perfunctory promises to taper down his drinking (but note, never to STOP drinking altogether. That's a red flag right there.) I'd go back with him, and before you know it, it started back up again.

Total freakin' insanity for 3 yrs-that's what alcoholism did to me.

Unfortunately, relapse is a risk you take when you're dating an alcoholic in recovery. It's a helpless feeling but there truly is nothing you can say and nothing you can do, other than look out for yourself.

Check out al-anon, check out the book "Codependent No More", do things that are healthy, life-affirming and positive for yourself. If she pushes you away, I know it is painful, I know it s*cks worse than anything you've probably ever felt before, but al-anon and your own strength can get you to the point of acceptance and detachment. And stay here and keep posting! SR has been a lifesaver for me.

Originally Posted by TheSeeker View Post
...but then I just wonder if that is true or it's her trying to eliminate an obstacle on her pathway back to alcohol. Maddening stuff.
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