Thanks to each of you for sharing on this topic. LaTeeDa, I could have written your 3 angry-at sections, though, at this point, probably not as concisely or without any **$@.
I've gone back and forth, and back and forth, at being angry at STBXAH and myself for what we've been through, to not believing that it really happened, to forgetting STBXAH's actions and dwelling only on my faults... To being truly terrified at how angry I finally got when I acknowledged everything.
All three theories/methods (anger as diamonds, anger as useful energy and anger as waves that can be survived) are tools that I will attempt to remember and use as needed. In fact I will print out this thread for my recovery notebook.
Thank you again.
