Hi Larkspur! Welcome to SR and congratulations on declaring your independence! This really hit home with me:
I also know that if I allow myself to have one or two sometimes, I will also allow myself to have nine or ten sometimes.
I was about your age when I started to think I might have a problem - I was starting to drink daily (looking forward those a few beers/glasses of wine each night). When special occasions came up, I would always overdo it. It was like giving myself permission to drink as much as I wanted, and believe me, I did! I was often the last one to leave the party. Part of that was that I had small children and rarely got to go out, so I figured I had "earned" these times, even if I ended passing out on someone's couch, driving home drunk, or feeling miserable the next day.
When I look back, it's easy to see that I
always wanted just one more, no matter how many I had.
You're smart to think about your drinking now. The crazy thing about alcoholism is that the longer we drink, the lower our standards become for saying "I'm really not THAT bad." I thought I'd never take a morning drink until, one day, I did.
Anyway, take it a day at a time and don't think about "never drinking again" right now. Just work on getting through day 7. We're behind you all the way!:ghug3