Originally Posted by
incognito70 
well. Im a bit perplexed at myself, for being perplexed at all. Because I know the answer is probably that I shouldnt spend any time wasted on this.. But..
Its weird, for me, that he has seemingly good control when he wants. KWIM? Like, Im a smoker.. and if Im up late doing schoolwork, and run out of cigs at 11 pm.. generally I'll go get some. Im not going to go without for hours or most of the day.
But he can. (with drinking) Isnt an addict just... an addict?
Why is it so important for you to analyze his drinking?
His drinking is a problem for you, period.
You've already stated you don't want your kids to think that a beer in hand every day is okay.
He's going to do what he's going to do.
You can't change him.
I see your confusion as a result of
knowing in your heart what is right for you and your kids, but you keep trying to rationalize he's not an alcoholic and can control his drinking at certain times.
I didn't drink every day.
I was a binge drinker.
Does that mean I'm not an alcoholic? Hardly not. I'm as real of an alcoholic as they come.
As a recovering codependent, I can tell you I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with someone where I felt they had to change something in order for me to be comfortable or have my standards intact.