Thread: Why?
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Old 07-04-2010, 09:10 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Katfshh
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Huntington Beach, CA
Posts: 29
One of my AH's best friends, that I have never met, sent me this reply.
I had contacted him.. I know that my AH really considers this friend his closest friend though sobriety. I think what he said made my mind so much more clear...



Kat, the longest xxx was sober was the time we got to be real good friends. We both had the same amount of clean time before he relapsed again - three years. Since then, he managed to put a year together once, right before he moved to SC (I took the ride with him and his son to find his place to live).

What I am going to say you will not like, but it is the ONLY thing you can do for HIM and for YOU!!! You must let him go completely. It is a three step process that won't happen overnight.

1. You are powerless over xxx and what he decides to do. There is NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can do that will make xxx do what YOU want him to do. PERIOD!

2. You must remember that he believes in a Higher Power and so must you. You must learn that the ONLY thing that can intervene is a higher power now. There are no exceptions to this rule. A higher power may use a person to help him, but you cannot ask that it be YOU. Only the higher power can choose.

However, also part of step 2 is that once you realize that there is a higher power at work here, you will start to trust that higher power's will. There is no changing a higher power's will. It can be delayed due to our own will, but it will always be what the higher power wants. Once you know like I know, you will NEVER worry about xxx again. Believe that I KNOW FOR SURE, xxx will be fine. He should have been dead ten times already and for some reason, his higher power needs him for something.

3. Once you can accept #1 and #2, only then, will you be able to COMPLETELY let go. You must make this decision in your head as well as your heart and soul. It must come from deep within. You will know you have completed this once you no longer worry about what happens between you and xxx. This is a hard pill to swallow and people who say "Just let him go" never know just how hard that is. It's hard because nobody ever goes through the first two steps. If you can fully accept #1 and #2, you will be amazed how easily it will be to let go. Letting go = turning YOUR WILL (what you want) over to the CARE of a power greater than yourself knowing that he is in much better care than what WE think is best for xxx.

xxx needs to learn more lessons still. His pride and ego are strong and need to be taken down a few notches and maybe this is his process.

I don't just talk out my ass Kat, I have a step-daughter who I raised from a little girl become a heroin addict and watched her destroy herself living on the streets. The process was the same, but the miracles were amazing.

As you see the miracles and coincidences happening in YOUR process, acceptance will become trust. Acceptance is your first step.

If you need to vent, feel free. If you can go to Alanon, that is the best. Either way, the lessons I learned that I just shared with you are probably the best life skills I ever learned. They can be applied to almost ANYTHING in your life that has you upset.

Lots of blessings and prayers for YOU.
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