Haunted
MG, I am going to ask medicaid to pay for a defibulator.
I am sick all the time. Jared was weak and having pain in his neck. I could puke . I feel like I have given him a death sentence but at the same time a life to live. I am so confused and so tired. My moods are becoming uncertain. I was doing so well. Now I cry when I'm driving because then no one can see me. I don't want anyone to see me. I want to be hidden. I want to hide from myself.
I have decided to go on the nicotine patch to stop smoking. Probably in the next couple of days. I told my room mate he would have to smoke outside. With my cardiac problems its just plain stupid to smoke. I need to be here for Jared and am tired of the heart meds. Maybe if I quit smoking the angina might go away. Will stay on the wellbutrin though.
Im trying to figure out how to do this when I dont give a sh*# about myself. I think my motivator is just to be here for Jared. If my health is good then I will be here for the rest of his life.
Thank you for the update on your family. I care about you and dont like things to be so onesided.
Love to you and your family,
Sid