Originally Posted by
baabaa 
I feel like a complete failure to them. They are bright and intelligent and I have always done my best to protect them from it. I wish I had the strength to of left him years ago. There is no one to blame but me on that one. I always held on for a better and brighter day it just never came. I hope soon I will be writing a thread to say we are free from this.
It's never too late to start over, and you are not a failure to them.
We do the best that we can with what we have at the time.
My oldest daughter spent the first 8 years of her life living around active addiction/alcoholism.
My second husband was an addict/alcoholic, just like me.
He was abusive, violent, and psychotic.
He went through rehab before me and went back to slamming dope and drinking whiskey the day he got out.
After I got out of rehab, I never went back home.
I felt safe moving over 2 hours away from him because he was always so strung out I figured he'd never make the drive to where I was.
That move paid off for me.
That man is dead now, buried at the tender age of 47.
I'm alive, clean/sober, and grateful for my life today.
You are not alone. I understand what it's like to live with that kind of insanity.
:ghug3