Hi Sasha,
I think you are doing great. Really. In fact, nearly textbook as far as taking care of YOUR needs being the only thing you truly do have control over. Good work. Keep strong. Do not engage him at all unnecessarily. The more he goes off like that, it should be getting clearer to you (and eventually to him) that he DOES truly have a drinking problem, he truly is alcoholic, and that there is really only one direction to go in order to save your marriage -- abstinence on his part from alcohol. Period. Stand your ground now, Sasha. Remove yourself when he drinks. That truly is very liberating (I remember when I decided to do just that in my marriage to my now exAH) and you can tell yourself from this day forward you never have to put up with that crap again, from him or anyone. You are a strong, wonderful, independent, grown-up woman who gets to choose how she wants to live EVERY day of her life from this day forward. I'm so proud of you for recognizing that and for being able to be calm and firm with him when he is obviously trying to goad you into a fight.
You probably can see that this is not going to have a happily-ever-after ending, that whatever decision he makes is going to be very stressful and difficult to weather. And that you very well could wind up divorced in the end because you no longer are willing to be second to his alcohol. So good luck, sister. I know how hard this is, how difficult this decision was for you to finally make, how much you have agonized and suffered. We have all walked in your shoes, Sasha, have all heard your A's excuses and stories and felt his anger with our own A's. This is a very supportive place for you to use as your sounding board. Please stay close and get what you need from SR. But also, please trust in yourself that you are really walking the best course possible right now for everyone involved, including your AH. Saying a prayer for you today
P.S. - You call your mama whenever you want and talk to her about whatever you want. That's what moms are for. He can just lump it. You didn't do anything wrong, so don't let him make you doubt yourself on that, or really, on anything at this point!