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Old 06-29-2010, 08:32 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
nodaybut2day
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Hi Sasha,

Here's my version of the Super Duper Al-Anon Translater (i.e. the SDAAT):

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
He told me that he's going to do what he's going to do, and that he isn't going to stop drinking because he doesn't want to.
Nobody is going to tell ME what to do! (insert pouting lip here).

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
Then he said that from now on he will have a problem if he sees me drinking coffee.
You're not so pure yourself!

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
I told him that I thought that was very manipulative, and he said, "good, I want to be manipulative."
I'm going to act like I'm 4 and make you pay for this.

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
he doesn't see where drinking has caused any problem
Problem? WHAT problem? It's all in your mind!

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
I make him feel bad most of the time, so who cares if he makes me feel bad.
You treat me bad anyhow so this is all your fault.

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
He then told me that he was incredibly angry with me for talking to my mom.
I want you to help keep up the facade that I'm the good guy.

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
I asked him what he thought about us going to counseling. He said that he doesn't think we need that. He then said that he wanted to drop the conversation and that the problem is "taken care of."
I don't need help. I'll handle it myself!

All his statements and responses are so typical, it's rather boring. Redirect, blameshift, accuse, self-victimize, etc.

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
Interestingly, he is actually not drinking, and hasn't for the past week.
He's just a dry drunk right now, but still a drunk.

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
But since his goal is not to quit drinking, I have no idea what to expect next.
It doesn't matter what his "goal" is. It's his problem. Expect the usual from him.

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
I am so frustrated that after all of this, I'm the one who ended up apologizing!!!
Yep, he successfully turned it around on you, which I know is sooo frustrating. My XAH did this to me all the time...I thought I was nuts to even DARING to think that there was a problem...As for what your mom will think, please try not worry about it. I also tried to hide XAH's drinking from my parents, and I kept trying to smoothe over the relationship between them and XAH, but to be honest, they already knew something was up and wanted nothing more than to offer me their support. Had I opened up to them sooner, I might not have suffered for so long in my marriage.

I think that you are right in your assessment that you need to talk to somebody. You cannot carry this burden alone. Perhaps counselling would also help?

Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
I have only brought this issue out in the last few weeks, so I feel like I do need to give the situation some patience before making any big decisions.
Why do you need to wait? To "give him a chance"? To "be fair"? And what exactly are you waiting for?
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