Yeah, I think mom is big-time enabling and co-dependent. I avoided situations with my brother for a long time and would redirect my son to be with other relatives if it was obvious my brother had been drinking. I just feel that now I don't want to be around him at all.
I think I made a mistake in talking to my mom and my grandparents about it. My grandparents (mom's parents) have been respectful of my decision if not understanding. I felt like I needed to explain myself because my grandparents always invite my brother whenever they invite me over, and my brother lives at my mom's house (big shocker, I know). I told them I didn't wasn't asking them to not invite him or change anything they didn't want to, and suggested somethings to my grandparents about maybe I could just "drop by" to see them sometimes or that they could come visit at my house instead. My mom feels that I've made this into my son versus her son.
I'm just feeling like I wish I hadn't said anything and just simply disappeared for awhile. I made the mistake of telling my mom what I was thinking, and she of course told my brother. I just feel like I am doing things to keep myself in the position of villain and troublemaker. I don't want to do that anymore. I'm not worried about upsetting the peace - I've already done that, and if anything, I've always had more trouble keeping my mouth shut when I should than speaking up. Probably as a backlash to always feeling like I was supposed to keep up the illusion that everything is just fine.
Maybe I do just need to not talk to anybody right now. I wish I could find a way for my son to see his uncle but then I worry that even if he's sober around him (doubtful) he's going to die if he doesn't get help, and sooner rather than later. Do I want to put my kid through that loss? I want my son to be able to see his grandmother too because they have a really strong bond and she's probably his favorite person other then mommy and daddy.