giz

Hello All,

I am heartbroken. I started dating this wonderful guy about 6 months ago. I should have known on one of our very first few dates, he brought a six-pack over to my house (he did not ask if he could pick up something for me or if this was okay to do), I should have known he had a problem with alcohol.

I come from a family where my father was an abusive alcoholic to my mother. I actually am a cigarett smoker (Zyban Quit date July 14, 2004) rather than of fallen into drinking issues. I have drank since the age of 18 which I think helped me to appreciate alcohol as a fun, social thing. I have gone months without drinking as I think of alcohol like appetizers.....if I'm out with friends...sure. Anyway, my point is not to PROVE I don't have a drinking problem but rather, to share how I feel my boyfriend "tricked" me into this.

I drink when other people drink. I used to have a roommate who drank (daily). I tried this to see if it was fun, relaxing...see why he did it. I realized within a week he was not fun to drink with and it was a hassle to drink everyday. not for me. Sometimes, when I have gone out, I've had too much to drink but most times, I have 2 or 3 for the night.

Can you tell I'm feeling a bit defensive about my drinking habits? I never considered before that "I" had a problem but now that I've asked the boyfriend to stop, he is accusing me of having the same problem.

Since I started dating him, alcohol has been with us most days. I thought it was different (although I have dated alcoholics before) that we would have beer with our meals, or wine...or we would "have a couple" at the bar before continuing our night. I found it different, maybe it was exciting.

I'm 26 years old and most of my free time when I'm not at work has been spent on furthering my education. I am in the Technology field and continually am reading about Microsoft, Linux, GPL, CGI scripting, Routers and Gateways, Wireless 802.11,...on and on. I just got my MCDST and MCP in December 2003. The point is, as I dated this man, more of my freetime was spent with him and thus, we consumed alcohol together; more frequently then I had before.

I do admit I was on a project in the Virgin Islands for near 3 months and the hotel we stayed at graciously offered free drinks day and night so my co-workers and I did enjoy daily drinks. Once again, it was a very social thing..many of my co-workers were older than me so I took my queues from them. There were a couple of times I got pretty intoxicated but they helped me back to my room and I was into work the next day.

So, moving onto current events. My boyfriend has driven drunk. A couple months ago, he agreed to pick me up after work to take me another work project I had going on that night. He arrived late and very intoxicated. I got in the car, I shouldn't have....he was swerving down the road...I was in terror. I had not seen him like this before...I think I was in denial. Thank the lord, we go there without dying. He then made it home safely but fell alseep. I had to call a friend to come and get me a couple hours later. He was apologetic for what happened but it has happend a few more times with the most recent being this last sunday. He showed up sunday night, he looked very drunk, he fell in my living room, his zipper was undone, he had wine stains on his pants.....he just looked a wreck.

I was so angry, I knew it wasn't the right time to blow up on him. I asked if he had driven to my house like that; yes he said. I knew this was the last straw for me. I had him eat some popcorn and I had some soda....made him lay down to get sober.

So, this week, I laid it down. He would need to limit the number of alcoholic drinks. For example, daily limit could be "4" and party limit could be "6". Also, he would be required to eat (he would use that for an excuse on how drunk he was). He refused to do the limit thing as he said he knew he was an alcoholic, he'd been to AA already, he knew the only way to control his drinking was to quit. It was then, he accused me of a drinking problem.

I know, it is probably the alcohol defense coming up but how could he think I did? I was not a daily drinker at all. He was. We were together and he wanted to get a drink, why not say yes to having an alcoholic drink too? I have never been to so many happy hours in all my life compared to the last 6 months.

So, I have explained, I will quit alcohol for 2 months to help be supportive of him, then I will do my limit of "2" in 24 hours. I am worried he will go back to drinking because I am. The only reason I offered a limit for myself is because he accused me of having a drinking problem.

I offered a parallel that when I quit smoking on July 14, if he hasn't quit chewing tobacco, I will not use that as an excuse to keep smoking. I would like him to quit, he did buy nic gum on his own accord about 2 weeks ago but continues to chew. We are seperate people, I do not want to be held responsible for his sobriety...right?

He has made me feel totally crappy. My friends and family agree with me that I do not have a drinking problem.

thank you,
giz