Originally Posted by
Katfshh 
OK lots of "Ouch" comments there. Is it not possible that when he is sober he is real,and he is a good person? If he had Cancer I would be a bad person if I turned my back. So, why is this a disease, If the way I handled it is to just give up?
Hi katfshh and
to SR! I'm glad you found this place. It's been my rock for the past 10 months.
You've received a lot of awesome advice.
Let me add something to it:
You boyfriend is one whole person...both the drunk and the sober person. You cannot separate the two. Do you love him wholly and completely as he is *right now*? Because that is the only person he's willing to be.
Regarding the disease aspect of your post, as Learning2Live says, there's a CHOICE in this disease. Every time he picks up a bottle, he chooses it. Every time he doesn't call his sponsor for help, he chooses it. When/If ever he chooses recovery, it'll be entirely HIS choice. There's really nothing you can do, say, or not do or not say, to change that.
It seems like you're in a bit of a pickle right now and that you're struggling a great deal with doubt. When in doubt, do nothing. Just wait. Take a few days for yourself, away from him, his text messages, his calls, his emails, whatever. A few days will not kill you nor him. It will however give you some space and time to think.
One of things I struggled a great deal with while married to an alcoholic was the constant sense of URGENCY! Everything had to be done right away, every text HAD to be answered, every plea for help HAD to be responded to with my running across the city with my Saviour Cape on. It was all an illusion I created and that my husband helped reinforce. I thought it was MY responsibility to save him from himself, and that if I responded quick enough, with enough passion and verve that somehow things would change. They never did. They only got worse.
In a way, you're very lucky to see your boyfriend's true colours before you make the big move to be with him full-time and to be totally trapped in his dance of madness.
So: deep breath. Turn off the phone. Go have a coffee with a friend. Do some yoga/read a good book/get a pedicure/do whatever relaxes you and just breathe.
Oyah and keep reading here on SR.
